How To Be Passive Aggressive and Annoy the Crap Out of Me - Part 1 of 12,546

I HATE confrontation. I'm pretty sure it's because I grew up in a family where it wasn't safe for me to disagree or even possible to have healthy conflict. I was always punished pretty seriously for defiance or arguing and wasn't taught how to deal with issues in a healthy and productive way. I'm almost 40 29 years old and  still get sweaty and nervous when I find the need to confront someone about something that's bothering me. That being said, even when I can't find the courage to do it (which happens frequently), I usually just let it go (really, I do). I'm not much of a grudge holder. But when I do manage to confront, I try to do it in a direct manner, as I believe that's the most healthy and respectful way to handle these differences. Even though my parents didn't handle conflict in the healthiest way, they were at least direct about it and never tried to hide when they were upset.

One thing that drives me up a friggin' wall is when someone is mad at or irritated with me and takes out their anger/frustration in a passive aggressive manner. Seriously, it raises my blood pressure just writing about it. Not only is this manner of "handling" conflict unfair to the other person (since it doesn't really give them the opportunity to respond or discuss), but it's incredibly immature and annoying.

I really wanna rip your nuts off, but instead I'll just
 passive aggressively blow smoke in your stupid hair.

So, do you wanna know what you can do in the future if you ever feel like irritating the crap out of me? I thought you might (as I get this question frequently), so here you go:

1. Ignore me when I directly ask you a question. OK, maybe "When are you gonna stop being such a smelly turdbucket?" isn't the best example.
2. Don't call me after you say you will, repeatedly. I hate talking on the phone, though, so I guess I can let this one go.
3. Refuse to look me in the eye, even when I'm staring holes through your skull. I mean, I know it's tough because I'm only ~3'1" and usually at bellybutton height , but I try to wear tall shoes so eye contact is still possible. 
4. Be curt and formal with me even though I've known you for 73 bajillion years and/or see you all the time. If I wanted to be treated this way, I would go to Nordstrom's.
5. Avoid me or not speak to me at all. Although I will probably appreciate this if you're irritating me that much, so, on second thought, go right ahead.

These are probably my Top 5, but feel free to be creative. Douchebaggery is an artform, really. On second thought, why don't you just tell me what's wrong? What a novel idea.